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The Baby Gift: Wishing for a Miracle
Alison Roberts


Two beautiful linked stories in one volumeWishing for a miracleMac MacCulloch and Julia Bennett make the perfect team. But Julia knows she must protect her heart –especially after an illness has left her unable to have children. She’s stopped wishing for a miracle, but Mac is only just getting started! For his wish is standing right in front of him – Julia…and whatever the future may hold.The marry-me wish Paediatric surgeon Anne Bennett has offered to carry her sister’s baby for her. Then, nine months pregnant with twins, she bumps into ex-love Dr David Earnshaw! When the babies are born, learning to live without them is harder than Anne ever expected – and Anne discovers that she needs David more than ever…









Praise for Alison Roberts:


�Written with plenty of warmth and heart, TWINS FOR CHRISTMAS is bound to touch the heart of every single reader!’



—cataromance.com





The Baby Gift


Two beautiful linked stories




Wishing for A Miracle


and




The Marry-Me Wish


by




Alison Roberts











www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk)




About the Author


ALISON ROBERTS lives in Christchurch, New Zealand. She began her working career as a primary school teacher, but now juggles available working hours between writing and active duty as an ambulance officer. Throwing in a large dose of parenting, housework, gardening and pet-minding keeps life busy, and teenage daughter Becky is responsible for an increasing number of days spent on equestrian pursuits. Finding time for everything can be a challenge, but the rewards make the effort more than worthwhile.

Recent titles by the same author:

NURSE, NANNY…BRIDE!

HOT-SHOT SURGEON, CINDERELLA BRIDE

THE ITALIAN SURGEON’S CHRISTMAS MIRACLE




THE BABY GIFT

A gift so special it’s priceless

Dear Reader

I’m not lucky enough to have a sister, but I do have an amazing daughter and many truly wonderful friends, so I’m well aware of what an astonishingly powerful thing the bond between women can be.



Friends, mothers and daughters…sisters. I started thinking about the kind of bond that might be created if it encompassed all of these possibilities. Could it be enough to overcome obstacles that seem impossible?



Neither Julia nor Anne Bennett envisages a future that involves children. Their reasons might be different, but the effect their convictions have on their relationships has the potential to be disastrous.



But Jules and Annie are more than simply sisters, and their bond is such that they will go to extraordinary lengths to help each other.



As far, even, as carrying a child for the one who can’t.



That kind of bond is amazing all on its own, but I wanted to give these sisters even more. Men who love them for exactly who they are and futures that will allow all their dreams to come true.



Cherish the women in your life. The bond is magic.



With love



Alison





Wishing for A Miracle


by



Alison Roberts


�No.’ He spoke softly now. �Don’t you see, Jules?’ The words were being forced out. He shouldn’t be saying them. But he could no more not say them than take in another breath. �It’s not that I have to protect you so much. It’s that I want to. Too much.’

Slowly, her gaze lifted. Caught his and held it.



Mac’s hands fisted by his sides as a defence against the urge to reach out and pull her into his arms. He tried to smile but could only manage a brief, one-sided twist of his mouth. �It’s a bit of a problem,’ he confessed. �It has been ever since that…kiss.’




Chapter One


THE train lay like a jagged open wound across the soft, misty Scottish landscape.

One carriage was still on the bridge, anchored by the tangled metal of broken overhead beams. The engine and two more carriages were in the gully, some thirty metres below, partially submerged by the small but fast-moving river. Another hung, suspended somehow by the mess of twisted steel on the bridge, a gigantic pendant that encased goodness knew how much human misery.

�Target sighted.’

The quiet statement from the man staring down from beside the helicopter pilot was superfluous except that the inflection on the second word said it all. This wasn’t the usual kind of target they set out to locate. This was, quite probably, a once-in-a-career, major, multi-casualty incident.

This was…huge.

Julia’s determined intake of breath was clearly communicated via the equipment built into their helmets.

�How �bout that, Jules?’ The rich, male voice of her partner filled her earphones again. �Not something you’d see every day back home, is it?’

She wouldn’t want to either but it was exactly what she’d come to the other side of the world in search of, wasn’t it? In a small country like New Zealand, the chance to be involved with a rescue mission of this size was highly unlikely. Working in the UK was all about getting the experience in case it did happen. Having the opportunities to hone the skills she knew she had.

She hadn’t anticipated this sudden rush of adrenaline, however. A sinking, almost sick-making dive occurring in her belly. Julia swallowed hard.

�It’s what I signed up for,’ she said. �Bring it on!’

�Hold your horses, lassie.’ It had been nearly three months since Julia had joined this new specialist emergency response team and the pilot, Joe, had learned to hide his vague incredulity that such a slender, feminine creature could be so keen to hurl herself into danger but there was still the suggestion in his tone that she had to be at least halfway crazy. �There’s a Medivac chopper taking off. We haven’t got clearance to land yet.’

�And then we’ll have to check in with Scene Command,’ her partner reminded her. �See where we’re needed first.’ A hint of tolerance born of understanding crept into his voice. �Joe’s right. Hold those horses.’



The tolerance had been hard won but Alan MacCulloch was used to her enthusiasm by now. Appreciated it, even, now that he knew she wasn’t about to rush headlong into a scene and put them both in danger, and this had become a tradition. Julia was the feisty one, ready to leap in and do whatever needed to be done. Mac was the calm one. They both looked but Mac got to give the word before either of them leapt. It was one of the many things they had found that made them able to work so well together. Had forged them into a tight team in a surprisingly short space of time.

The scene commander wasted no time in briefing them. Dealing with the carriages that had crashed to ground level was under control.

�Carriage 3…’ The scene commander looked up. �Still an unknown quantity for victim numbers and status. One bloke got the door open near the top and managed to climb out. He fell.’

Julia exchanged a glance with Mac. They both knew how unlikely it was that someone would have survived such a fall. The dangers inherent in this rescue were becoming very clear.

�Someone else was spotted signalling for help,’ the scene commander continued. �Waving through a broken window at the bottom of the carriage, and cries were heard. More than one voice. We used megaphones from the bridge and the ground to order anyone else in the carriage to stay as still as possible while we tried to stablise things.’ He cleared his throat. �Nothing’s been seen or heard since.’

�Needs triaging, then,’ Mac said calmly. �How stable is the bridge?’

�Engineers reckon it’s safe at each end, which is where the cables have been anchored. For some reason there was a structural collapse towards the middle, which is what’s caused the incident. According to an eye witness who was driving on the road over there, carriage 3 was swinging violently when the first carriages broke free. Presumably it’s fairly well caught up to have stayed there but it’s anyone’s guess how long the connection’s going to last.’

�Incident’ was such an insignificant title for this disaster. Julia sucked in a breath as she looked up again. The carriage had gone careening off the rails. There must have been one hell of a jolt and then it would have been swinging wildly. Passengers would have been hurled about like puppets and the potential for serious, if not fatal injuries was high.

Her gaze narrowed. The carriage had windows and a door at either end. The door at the top was still open, leaving a black hole that would be an easy entrance. She shifted her gaze back to the men beside her.

�We can winch down from the bridge and have a look.’

There was a heartbeat’s silence after Julia had spoken. They all knew it was unlikely they would see as much as they needed to through the windows and impossible to assess the condition let alone treat victims, but if someone climbed inside it would mean disengaging from any safety of a winch line.

This was dangerous. Very dangerous. Weird that Julia’s nerves seemed to have vanished.

�I can do that,’ she said.

Both men stared at her. Mac opened his mouth to say something but Julia was faster.

�I’m half your weight,’ she said. �We don’t know how much movement those cables are going to cope with and it would be sensible to use whatever advantages we’ve got. The more gently we can test it, the safer we’re all going to be.’

�We’ve got a crane on the way,’ the scene commander added. �The plan was to lower the carriage to ground level.’

�How long will that take to get here?’

The man responsible for overseeing this enormous scene sighed. �At least three hours. Maybe longer.’

Too long for anyone struggling to survive in there. Way too long.

Mac’s eyes narrowed as he assessed the scene again. Then his gaze was on her and it was just as penetrating. Julia held the touch of those dark eyes with her own and waited. Patiently. She had learned that nothing else she said would make any difference now.

This was Mac’s call as the senior officer and she trusted his judgment.

The eye contact went on…and on. Long enough for it to have been unacceptable between people who didn’t know each other extremely well indeed. Long enough for it to be intimate but not uncomfortable because they both knew what this was about and it was purely professional.

OK, it was deeply personal as well, of course, because they relied on each other and this was about life-and-death decisions being made—for themselves and others—but they both knew where the boundaries lay and they’d never stepped close enough to even have to define those limits.

Questions were being asked and answered here.

�Are you sure about this?’

�Yes.’

�You don’t have to.’

�I know.’

�This will be the toughest yet.’

�I know that too. I can do this, Mac.’

�I know you can.’

And, finally, there it was. Mac’s nod.

Slow but resolute. Permission had been granted.

She hadn’t expected him to agree so easily.

The flicker of surprise had been there in her eyes. Mac had registered gratitude, too, for the respect his decision encompassed. What he hadn’t seen, and which would have been entirely understandable, had been a hint of dismay that he wasn’t going to use his authority to stop her tackling this incredibly dangerous mission.

Julia Bennett was one astonishing woman.

Did they breed them all like this in that little country at the bottom of the world? Pint-sized Amazons with rapier-sharp brains and a courage too deep to measure?

No. Mac checked the buckles on Julia’s harness and tugged at the carabiner on the front one last time before moving to where he intended to operate the winch. This woman was a one-off. Totally unique. The first female to get through the rigorous selection process to gain access to this elite rescue squad, and he’d been lucky enough to be designated her partner.

Not that he’d felt like that first up, mind you. Neither had any of the guys on the other shifts. Mac had seen the relief in the glances exchanged at that team briefing so many weeks ago now. A foreigner was fine. They had people from all corners of the globe on staff. But a girl?

Not that a twenty-eight-year-old could be considered anything less than a woman but her lack of height made her seem much younger. It didn’t help that she had such a pretty, fragile kind of prettiness about her either. The spikes of that practical, pixie haircut did nothing to disguise her femininity and if the big, blue eyes that went with those blonde spikes could look like they did with no make-up, it was obvious that Jules could be a knock-out if she chose to be.

Nobody had expected to find that she considered herself �one of the boys’ and was possibly more passionate about this job than they were. She had earned respect remarkably quickly, thanks to an early job that had involved a large portion of the squad when the remains of an old building had collapsed on a demolition crew. Julia had been the only one small enough to squeeze through a gap and she’d hung, upside down, like a determined little bat, for long enough to establish an airway and gain IV access on a man who would certainly have died otherwise.

Respect had become admiration from more than one of the guys but the polite rebuff of any personal overtures had added another dimension to a personality that was intriguing. Any commiseration Mac had received on being partnered with �the chick’ had long since morphed into envy.

Yeah…he was lucky.

But here he was, letting this amazing woman step backwards off a broken bridge, his fingers on the controls that were now lowering her close to the dangling train carriage. If it fell, it would most likely take her with it and there would be nothing he could do but watch. The tension was growing by the second as the small figure in the orange overalls slipped lower.

�Keep going.’ Julia’s voice sounded clear and calm inside his helmet. �Seats are clear at the top. I can’t see the bottom yet.’

He fed out the steel cable, inch by inch. He felt the jerk as Julia’s steel-capped boots touched the side of the carriage and then her gloved hands reached to steady herself and cut the light reflecting on one of the large glass panels.

�Stop!’ The command was sharp. �I can see something.’




Chapter Two


FACES.

Terrified faces. A huddle of humanity in what had been one end of the carriage and was now a narrow base. It was too dark to see clearly. Now mid-afternoon on a typical, drizzly autumn day, natural light was fading fast but the light on Julia’s helmet could only go so far through the barrier of glass and deep shadow within. The first two rows of the seats now facing upwards had people on them and were much easier to see. The closest figure was lying slumped.

More people were huddled on the seats on the other side of the aisle.

How many were there?

How badly injured were they?

Julia could see them watching her. A woman on the far side, with a child clutched in her arms, was sobbing but the sound wasn’t reaching through the window that was still intact on this side. Or not through the padding inside her helmet and the background noise that included a helicopter hovering directly overhead.

Television crews, probably, capturing the unfolding drama of this rescue. The footage would make international news, that was for sure. Julia spared a fleeting thought for the relatives of everyone involved. Including hers. Thank goodness her sister Anne would be unable to recognise that it was her doing such a dangerous job.

�Can you hear me?’ Julia shouted.

�Ouch!’ came Mac’s voice.

�Sorry.’ Julie lifted her microphone, tucking it under the rim of her helmet. She called again and a boy inside, who looked about fourteen, nodded warily.

�How many of you are there?’ Julia called.

The boy’s eyes slid sideways but he didn’t move his head. He looked hunched. Terrified of moving, probably, in case it was enough to send the carriage plummeting to the bottom of the gully. He shrugged helplessly and then winced and Julia could see the way he was cradling one arm with the other. A fracture? Dislocated shoulder?

The woman who had been sobbing in the seat across the aisle tried to get closer, the child still in her arms. She was blocked by the still shape of the slumped man.

�Help!’ she screamed. �Please…help us!’

Her words were clearly audible. So was the panicked response from others still in there, telling her to stay still, prompted by the sway of the carriage her movement had caused. Julia’s hands were still against the window and she simply moved with it, gently swinging out and then back. Not far at all but more than enough for her heart to skip a beat and for a soft curse from Mac to echo in her earphones.

Julia flipped down the small arm of her microphone. �Pull me up to the door, Mac. I need to get inside.’

�No way!’

�Can’t triage from here. I can see at least six people and some look OK to evacuate fast.’

�Get them to climb up and we’ll winch from the door.’

Julia frowned. The woman was close to hysterical and wasn’t about to let go of the child. The teenage boy had an injured arm or shoulder.

�Not practical,’ she informed Mac. �They need assistance. Anyone else qualified to operate the winch up there?’

�Yes.’ The word was reluctant. �Red Watch is here now as well.’

Another SERT partnership of Angus and Dale. This was good.

�I’ll get inside,’ Julia suggested. �You winch down with a nappy harness and I’ll bring out as many as I can. Then we’ll be able to assess what we’ve got left.’

Mac must have shifted his microphone but Julia could hear faint voices in animated conversation and knew that her idea was being discussed with others up there on the bridge. A long minute later and Mac was ready to talk to her again.

�On one condition,’ he said briskly. �We’re monitoring the cables. We might not get much warning if things aren’t going to hold but if I give the word you have to get yourself out of there. Stat. No argument. Got it?’

�Got it.’

Julia did get it and her promise of co-operation was sincere. She heard the faint wail of distress as she was hoisted away from the faces at the bottom of the carriage despite her hand signals to indicate that things were in hand and rescue was close.

And then there she was. Beside the door. She had to climb inside and unclip the winch line that suddenly felt like an umbilical cord in its ability to sustain life.

Fear kicked in as she did precisely that. Her mouth went dry and her heart pounded so hard it was almost painful. For a horribly long moment, Julia thought she’d gone too far this time. She couldn’t do this after all.

�Jules? Talk to me.’

The voice was soft but she could hear a faint reflection of her own fear. Mac was afraid for her and it was more than concern for the wellbeing of his colleague. Or was that just wishful thinking on her part?

Stupidly—and so inappropriately it was easy to contain—Julia felt an odd tightness in her throat. A prickle behind her eyes that advertised embryonic tears. She dismissed them with a simple swallow. She didn’t need to go there. All she’d needed had been to hear his voice. To remind herself that she wasn’t doing this alone. That she had the best possible person in the world watching her back right now.

�I’m…inside,’ she relayed. �Climbing down.’ She moved as she spoke. Cautiously. Hanging onto the back of a seat frame as her feet found purchase on the cushioned back of the next seat down the vertical aisle. �How are those cables looking, mate?’

�Good,’ came the terse response. Mac was concentrating as hard as she was.

�These seats make quite a good ladder.’ Julia kept talking because she wanted Mac to keep responding. She wanted to hear his voice. Maybe she needed to keep hearing it because it gave her more courage than she could ever otherwise summon.

But when she was halfway down the aisle, the smell hit her. The smell of fear. And she could hear the voices and moans and she knew that within seconds she would be able to speak to and touch these unfortunate people. She could start doing the job she was trained to do and help those who had been plunged into a nightmare they couldn’t deal with alone.

Julia felt the power that came with the knowledge that she could help and that power gave her complete focus. Knowing that Mac was close gave her strength, yes, but that was simply a platform now. This was it.

Time to go to work.

�Who can hear me?’ she called, pausing briefly. �Keep still but raise your hand if you can.’

She wanted to count. To find out how many were conscious enough to hear her and physically capable of any movement at all.

One hand went up tentatively. And then there was another. And another. Six? No, seven. And dim patches where she could see the shape of people but no hands. The less injured people would have to be evacuated first to allow access to the others.

The woman she’d earlier deemed close to hysteria was still sobbing. �Please…’ she called back. �Take Carla first. She’s only seven…Please!’

Julia revised her count to eight. Carla was being clutched too tightly to have raised her hand.

She climbed closer. The teenage boy with the injured arm was silent but she was close enough to see that his eyes were locked on her progress. Searching for her face. Silently pleading with as much passion as Carla’s mother.

Julia had to tear her gaze away to try and reassess the number and condition of victims she would be dealing with. To triage the whole scene, but it was difficult. The light had faded even more outside now and it was much darker in here. The light on her helmet could only illuminate a patch at a time and it was like trying to put a mental jigsaw together.

People were jumbled together. Right now it was impossible to see which limbs belonged to which person or even how many people were in the tangle.

�Get me out!’ A male voice from behind Carla and her mother was loud. �I can’t feel my legs. I need help.’

Julia saw hands come over the seat back behind the still sobbing woman. Good grief, was the man trying to move himself despite possible spinal or neck injuries? Someone beside him groaned and then someone else screamed as the man’s frantic efforts created a shuffle of movement and made the carriage swing alarmingly.

�Stay absolutely still, and I mean everybody!’ Julia injected every ounce of authority she could into the command. �Listen to me,’ she continued, her tone softening a little. �I know you’re all scared but you’ve all been incredibly brave for a long time and I need you all to hang onto that courage so you can help me do my job.’

Carla’s mother sniffed and fixed wide eyes on Julia. She would do anything, her gaze said. Anything that would, at least, save her child. The man behind her was quiet. Hopefully listening. Even a groan from nearby sounded as if someone was doing their best to stifle the involuntary interruption.

�We’re going to get you all out,’ Julia said confidently, �but we have to do this carefully. One at a time. I’m going to help anyone who can move to get to the top of the carriage where someone will be waiting to carry them up to the bridge.’

Would Mac be there yet? Dangling on a winch line with a harness in his hands that he would pass through the door to Julia to buckle onto each survivor?

�I’m here, Jules.’ It wasn’t the first time that Mac had seemed to be able to read her thoughts. �Ready when you are.’

�When we’ve got as many as we can out, we’ll be able to take care of all of you that are injured and we’ll get you out as well,’ Julia told the passengers. �Do you all understand? Can you help me?’

She heard a whimper of fear and another groan but amongst the sounds of suffering came assent.

�Just get on with it!’ the loud man was pleading now. �Stop talking and do something.’

Julia climbed past another seat. She made sure her feet were secure and then anchored herself with one hand. �Pass Carla to me,’ she ordered.

�No-o-o-o!’ the child shrieked.

�You have to, baby.’ With tears streaming down her face but her voice remarkably calm, Carla’s mother peeled small arms from around her neck and pushed her child towards Julia. �I’ll be there soon, I promise.’ Her voice broke on the last word but Julia now had a small girl clinging her like a terrified monkey and she didn’t take the time to reassure the mother. She was climbing upwards again and part of her brain was planning ahead. The teenage boy next. She had a triangular bandage in the neat pack belted to her hips. She could secure his injured arm and he should be able to climb with her. Maybe Carla’s mother after that, so that her panic wouldn’t make it harder for everyone else to wait their turn.

There would be others after that and then the real work could begin. Assessing and stabilising the injured and getting them out of here and on the way to definitive medical care.

By then the weight in the carriage and the potential for unexpected movement would be well down. The cables would have had a reasonably thorough test. Mac or one of the other SERT guys could join her. Someone would have to because there was no way she could carry the injured up herself.

Carrying a slight, seven-year-old girl was proving hard enough. The extra weight made it an effort to balance and then push up to the next padded rung of this odd ladder of seats. Julia’s breathing was becoming labored and the muscles in her legs and arms were burning. She had to concentrate more with every step so that fatigue wouldn’t cause a slip that might send them both falling down the central aisle.

She couldn’t even afford the extra effort of looking up past her burden to see how close she was to the top or whether Mac was peering down to watch her progress.

�You’re almost there. Two more.’

How did he do that? Know precisely when she needed encouragement? This time, he could probably see the way she hesitated before each upward push. How each hesitation was becoming a little longer so he wasn’t really mind-reading. It just felt like that.

She could do two more. No. Julia could feel the determined line of her lips twist into a kind of smile. She could do ten more knowing that Mac was waiting at the top.

�Good job.’

The quiet words were praise enough for her efforts. Julia was too breathless to respond immediately, though. She simply nodded once and then held out her hand for the nappy harness. Then she edged—carefully—into the first space of upturned seats so that she could sit and use both arms and hands for her next task.

�It’s OK, sweetheart,’ she told the rigid bundle on her lap. �I’m going to put these special straps around you and then Mac’s going to get you out of here and carry you right up to the top.’

�No-o-o!’ Arms tightened their vice-like grip around Julia’s neck.

�I need to go back and look after the other people. Like your mummy. You’ll be fine, Carla, I promise.’

But the child was shaking now. Whimpering with fear.

�Mac is a very nice man,’ Julia told her.

�Cheers, mate,’ came with the chuckle in her earphones.

�And he really, really likes children,’ Julia added. �Looking after little girls like you is absolutely his favourite thing to do.’

The earphones stayed silent this time. What was Mac thinking? Remembering occasions when he’d poured his heart and soul into trying to save a child? The heartbreak when he hadn’t been successful?

Carla had relaxed fractionally. Enough for Julia to be able to slip the straps into position and then close and tighten buckles. She hoped the silence wasn’t because Mac was putting two and two together somehow. That he had noticed at some point over the last weeks the way she avoided prolonged contact with paediatric patients if possible. The way she was so good at distancing herself by taking on any case that was preferably complicated and adult.

No. She was pretty confident she kept personal issues well away from her work. Out of her life, in fact, because she wasn’t letting anyone close enough to discover the truth.

�I’m going to tell Mummy how brave you are,’ Julia told Carla. �As soon as I get back down to her. Do you think she’ll be proud of you?’

Carla didn’t nod but her head moved so that she could look up at Julia.

�I’m proud of you.’ Julia smiled. �Mac will be, too, you’ll see.’

She eased herself to her feet. Carla was still tense and she cried out in terror when Julia lifted her into Mac’s waiting hands but then she was in his strong, secure grasp and the child looked up and saw the face of the man above her.

Mac’s smile was as reassuring as a hug.

�Hi, there, peanut,’ he said. �Going to come for a wee ride with me?’

And this time Carla nodded and, as Mac clipped the buckle of her harness to his own and instructed the child to put her arms around his neck and hold on tight, she turned her head and Julia could see that she was—incredibly—smiling herself.

Mac was simply the best when it came to dealing with children. It had made it easier to step back herself and not get people asking awkward questions.

�Your job,’ she could say to Mac with total sincerity. �You’re the best.’

He was. He adored kids and she knew him, while he probably wouldn’t admit it on station, he was aching for some of his own. And why not? He was in his mid-thirties and by now the absolute obsession with his career had to be ebbing enough for him to realise he might be running out of time to find someone to make a family with. He needed to get on with it.

He’d have gorgeous children and he’d make the best father ever.

And some incredibly lucky woman was going to be his wife and the mother of those children.

Julia turned and began climbing back down as soon as she saw Mac and Carla beginning their upward journey. She had to be just as slow and careful as she had been the first time she had done this despite it seeming easier having done it before. She couldn’t afford to fall.

The descent was too slow. It allowed too much time for errant thoughts and emotions to seep into her mind and body.

Inappropriate things but she was learning to expect the backwash that came from seeing Mac with a child in his arms.

A mix of grief. And jealousy. And…yes…desire.

And, as usual, they had to be stamped out with fierce determination because there was nothing Julia could do to change the way things were now.

Not a single thing.



It took well over an hour for her to help the eight relatively uninjured victims up to the door where they had been winched up to the bridge and into the care of waiting rescuers. Eight heavy people who had required assistance to make the climb. Constant guidance and encouragement, if not actual physical support. Julia had to be exhausted both physically and mentally.

�Angus and Dale could take over the next stage,’ Mac suggested.

�No way.’ Julia was heading for the base of the carriage again and the crisp words via the communication system put paid to any further suggestions on Mac’s part. �The job’s nearly done and there’s no way I’m deserting Ken. He knows me, now.’

And she knew. She was deeply involved in this scenario and, knowing Jules, she would be committed to the people and the mission a thousand per cent. If they wanted to get her out of there it would be neither easy nor pleasant. And she was right, the job was nearly done. She had managed to get virtually all the people from the carriage out and Mac knew there was one conscious, injured person, one unconscious and one dead.

So Mac went in to join her because Julia was his partner and everybody knew just how tight a team these two were these days. Inseparable. And darned good at their jobs.

This time when Mac came down on the winch line he brought equipment and the medical supplies they would need.

The bottom two rows of upturned seats had become a kind of triage station.

Julia indicated one of her patients. �This man has been unconscious since I got my first glance inside.’

The figure was slumped on the seat by the window but Mac could see the end of a plastic OP airway in his mouth. Julia had obviously assessed him and done what she could in the brief window of time that triaging allowed for.

�Head injury,’ Julia continued. �GCS 3. Rapid, weak pulse and query Cheyne-Stokes breathing pattern.’

The man was very seriously injured, then. Unlikely to survive. If they took the time to evacuate him first, others who could survive might die.

�And this is Ken.’ Julia was hanging onto the edge of the seat across the aisle now. �Spinal injury. Paralysis of both legs and paresthesia in both hands.’

A high spinal injury, then. He would need very careful immobilisation before evacuation so they didn’t exacerbate the injury.

Julia dropped lower, shining the light of her helmet on the very end of the carriage.

�Status zero here,’ she told Mac quietly. �There were several people on top of him to start with. He’s too heavy for me to shift but I’ve moved enough to be fairly sure there’s no one underneath him.’

Mac reached down and caught the arm and shoulder of the heavy body, lifting it further than Julia would have managed. A jumble of luggage, personal possessions like books and drink bottles filled a fair bit of space but there was no sign of movement that might indicate a survivor struggling to get out. He could see shards of broken glass in the debris as well. And so much blood he felt a familiar knot tighten in his gut. He let the man’s body fall back gently.

�Let’s deal with what we’ve got first.’

Julia nodded. �Ken first?’

Mac agreed. The sooner they had his spine immobilised and protected, the better the outcome might be for him.

Julia wriggled into a position where she could support Ken’s head while Mac went to get the equipment they would need. A neck collar and survival blankets to start with. Oxygen and IV gear and pain relief. He found her squashed into the tiny gap beside Ken, ready to take the collar and ease it into position, and it wasn’t the first time he thought it was a blessing that she was so little and mobile. There was no way he could have managed that feat so competently.

�Do you think I’ve broken my neck?’ Ken sounded terrified.

�This is a precaution,’ Julia reassured him. �We don’t know what part of your spine has been injured and we need to keep it all in line. It’s really important that you don’t move even after the collar’s secured because the rest of your back isn’t protected yet. We’ll do everything we can but we need you to help too. Can you do that?’

The huff of sound was still fearful. �I guess.’

�Just hang in there, mate. You’re doing really, really well.’

Mac was busy opening packages but he could hear the smile in Julia’s voice as she reassured her patient. He knew exactly how her face would be looking as she spoke even though he couldn’t see it. Ken probably couldn’t see it either. He might see the way her lips curved back into her cheeks but he wouldn’t be able to see the way Julia’s eyes always smiled right along with her mouth. The way her whole face—even her whole body sometimes—seemed connected to her emotional state.

Fascinating to watch. Or provoke. Mac wasn’t the only one on station who took pleasure in engaging Julia in an animated discussion.

Or delight in making her smile.

�We’re going to give you something for that pain very soon.’ Julia was swabbing a patch on Ken’s forearm. �Wee scratch coming up. There. All done. Wasn’t so bad, was it?’

�Didn’t feel a thing. You know what you’re doing, don’t you, lassie?’

Julia chuckled. �Sure do. Now, are you allergic to any drugs that you know of?’

Mac flicked the top of an ampoule to move the fluid inside. Then he snapped it and slid a needle into the narrow neck to draw up the drug.

Ken was right. Julia knew what she was doing. He was right, too. She was involved in this scenario to the extent that it would have been detrimental to try and give her a break. She had established a connection with Ken and he was in exactly the right frame of mind to co-operate with whatever measures needed to be taken to rescue him.

He trusted Julia and Mac knew the trust wasn’t misplaced. He had to feel completely dependent on her right now but he knew that she would be treating his vulnerability with the same kind of compassion and skill she brought to the medical practices he had witnessed her administering.

She fitted an oxygen mask onto Ken and hooked it up to the small cylinder from the pack. �I won’t run fluids,’ she told Mac. �BP’s down but it’s more likely to be neurogenic than hypovolaemic shock.’

�What does that mean?’ Ken asked fearfully.

�Any injury to the spine can interfere with nerves,’ Julia told him. �That’s why you can’t feel your legs at the moment and you’re getting pins and needles in your hands. It’s not necessarily permanent,’ she added firmly, as though she’d given this reassurance more than once. �We can’t know what damage there is but what we can do is take care not to make it any worse.’

A lot of care had to go into the next stage of this rescue. They had to get Ken flat and secured onto a stretcher without twisting or bending his vertebrae. Then they would have to cushion his head and strap him so securely onto a stretcher there would be no danger of movement during the extrication process.

Minutes ticked past swiftly. Mac could feel exhaustion biding its time, waiting for an opportunity to ambush him, and he knew that Julia had to be a long way further down that track. Not that she was slowing down, of course. She never did. Mac was proud of his partner. Not just for her endurance or the way she had crawled into the cramped space by the window to hold Ken’s head to support his neck but for the way she effortlessly turned her skills to emotional support for their patient.

�Glasgow’s home for you, isn’t it, Ken?’ she asked.

�Aye. I was just going up to Inverness on business for the day.’

�What do you do?’

�My company makes umbrellas.’

Julia chuckled. �You must be doing really well. I’ve never seen so much rain as I have in the three months I’ve been here.’

�Where are you from?’

�New Zealand.’

�That’s a country I’ve always wanted to visit. Is it as beautiful as they say it is?’

Mac found himself nodding. He felt exactly the same way. He’d love to get down to the bottom of the world for a visit. Always had, but the urge had got a lot stronger in the last few months. Funny, that.

�It is,’ Julia was saying. �Parts of it are very similar to Scotland but I think we get a bit more sunshine.’

�You going back?’

�Yes. I work with an ambulance service that has a rescue unit back home. I’m here for six months for advanced training.’

�What part of New Zealand do you live in?’

�Christchurch. Middle of the south island. We’ve got the Alps to the west and the sea to the east. I grew up there.’

�You’ve got family to go home to, then.’ Ken’s voice wobbled. He was obviously thinking of his own family and feeling alone right now.

�Only my big sister,’ Julia told him.

Mac was busy pulling the extrication device they needed from its case but he was listening carefully. This was personal information. The kind that Jules had kept from her colleagues. He might have been left with questions that would never be answered but Ken wanted distraction from his situation. And Julia was so involved, she probably hadn’t registered that others might be able to hear.

�She’s like a mum, really,’ she told Ken. �My mother died shortly after I was born. Anne’s nearly seven years older than me and she just took over from the various nannies. When Dad died I was only eleven but Anne was old enough to take care of me. She’s amazing. Managed to raise me and get through med school at the same time. I love her to bits.’

There was a short silence then. Julia appeared to be checking Ken’s pulse. Or was she holding his hand?

�When you get to New Zealand,’ she said then, �make sure you visit Christchurch. It’s a very English city but don’t hold that against it, will you?’

Something suspiciously like a sniffle could be heard from Ken. �Nay, lassie,’ he said. �I won’t.’

He hadn’t missed the conviction in Julia’s tone that he would, someday, be well enough to travel to the other side of the world. She had deepened the connection between them by sharing personal information and now her confidence was a boost. She was his anchor right now. Nothing more personal was said because she shifted to professional responsibilities, making sure Ken was fully informed and understood everything going on around him to keep his fear at bay.

�We’re getting something called a KED around you now, Ken. You’ll feel us tipping you a bit so we can slide it underneath.’

�But I’m not supposed to move!’

�I’ve got you. Relax. I won’t let anything happen to your alignment.’

�What did you say it was?’

�It’s like a body splint. It goes right round your chest and waist and up behind your neck and then we do up a whole bunch of straps. Then it’ll be safe to get you on the stretcher and out of here.’

�It’s dark now, isn’t it?’

�Pretty much. Don’t worry. We’ll have lights all over the place out there now. We can see what we’re doing.’

Sure enough, massive lights had been put in place both on the ground and the bridge and, despite drizzle that was determined to become rain, the visibility was excellent. It was still a slow job extricating Ken. He had pain relief on board and was completely immobilised but even the tiniest movement hurt. Angus joined them inside the carriage but it still took an age to inch the stretcher carefully upwards. Julia stayed as close as she could to Ken’s head. Talking to him. Reassuring him. Sympathising with the amount of pain he was in. It needed extra help to get the stretcher out of the door and attached to the winch and while that was happening Mac checked the harness he still wore in preparation to accompany the stretcher.

But Julia had other ideas.

�I’ll go up with him.’

What he could see of her face looked very pale. Pinched, almost, as though she had been doing more than reassuring Ken and had actually taken some of his pain on board. Mac shook the thought off but whatever the cause she was reaching the limits of her endurance and steadying a stretcher being winched to make sure it didn’t catch on obstacles, not to mention helping to lift it over the lip of the destination, was no mean feat.

�I think I should,’ was all he said.

But then he looked down from Julia’s face to where her hand was holding Ken’s. To the way Ken was looking up at Julia, his fear only just contained. And, for a weird moment, Mac felt envious. Of that connection. Of that touch.

�OK,’ he amended a little hurriedly. �If you’re sure.’

Julia gave a single nod. �I’m sure.’



There were hand-held television cameras on the bridge now. Journalists eager to interview Julia as Ken was transferred to waiting paramedic crews who had a helicopter ready to evacuate him.

�You’re going to the best spinal unit in Glasgow for assessment,’ Julia was able to tell Ken as she said goodbye. �I’ll come and visit you very soon.’

She avoided the media, pushing back to watch anxiously as her SERT colleagues brought out the man with the serious head injury, who was, amazingly, still clinging to life, and were then winched up themselves, one by one. By the time Mac joined her on the bridge, they had been on scene for nearly five hours and their official shift had finished some time ago.

Not that any of them were about to leave just yet. The weather was closing in and the transport that had taken Ken to Glasgow had been the last that would be leaving by air. Joe was grounded so they would have to organise road transport to get back to station and the people who could do that for them were otherwise occupied because the crane had finally arrived and the last stages of this rescue were under way.

Things hadn’t quite ended. It made no difference that they had started this shift well over twelve hours ago and that they were both exhausted. This had become �their’ job and they would see it through to the bitter end.

Had she known how bitter that end would be, Julia thought later, she would never have been so willing to accompany Mac back to the carriage for a final check. She would have found some way to ensure that someone other than them were the last people present.

The dead body was sprawled flat on the floor now, debris strewn under, around and over him. Julia edged in beside a seat to give the men in orange overalls room to load the man onto a stretcher and carry him to the temporary morgue set up in one of the huge tents. A space she knew already had fourteen occupants from this disaster.

She watched in silence as the stretcher was eased through the door and outside into the bleak night. Then she turned her head to see Mac also watching. Unguarded for an instant as the beam of her headlamp caught his face, she could see his exhaustion and the kind of defeat that went with every life lost on their watch.

Then he stooped and picked something up from the debris that had been pushed into piles to make way for the stretcher. Julia focused on what he held. It was a soft toy animal of some kind. Probably well loved and shabby to start with but it now had stuffing coming from a ripped-off leg and it was covered with bloodstains.

�Carla’s, do you think?’

�Probably. We didn’t have any other children in the carriage, thank goodness.’

For a long moment, she held Mac’s gaze. Watching the wheels turning in a brain shrugging off how tired it was. For a moment she wondered if he was thinking her statement was another indication of her aversion to working with paediatric cases but then she saw the grim lines in his face deepen and a haunted look appear in the way he frowned. There was another possibility.

They both turned to look back at the space the dead man had filled.

At the door that had been blocked by the body.

It was Mac who moved to open it. He had to put his shoulder against it and push because it was blocked from the inside. And then Julia heard him curse, softly but vehemently, as he dropped instantly to a crouch.

Her view was limited to what she could see over his shoulder because Mac filled the narrow doorway. She could see narrow shoulders and the back of a head covered with long, blonde hair. A woman, then. Had she been thrown to hit her head against the basin during the violent change of direction as the carriage had tipped? Except that there was no obvious injury to be seen from this angle.

Mac had his hand on her neck, searching for a pulse.

�She’s too cold.’ Mac’s voice sounded raw. �Been dead for a fair while.’

At least there hadn’t been a child in here as well. Julia still had to swallow hard as she reached for the portable radio clipped to her belt. �I’ll let the guys know to bring the stretcher back.’

�Wait!’ Mac was examining the woman, looking for an indication of what might have killed her. He found nothing.

�Pelvis?’ Julia suggested.

Mac put his hands on the woman’s hips and pressed. Julia knew it would have been a gentle test but she could see the movement. There were major blood vessels running through that area. If one was cut it was quite possible to bleed to death in a short space of time.

It was also possible they might have been able to save her if they’d got to her first.

Mac was pressing a hand to the woman’s abdomen now. It was distended. Even more distended than they might have expected from all the internal bleeding.

�Oh, God!’ Mac groaned.

Julia didn’t ask. She didn’t need to. The shape was too regular and obviously too firm to be simply an accumulation of blood. The woman had probably only been in the early stages of her pregnancy but there had been two lives lost here.

Mac straightened. He didn’t meet Julia’s horrified gaze.

�It’s time we went home,’ he said heavily. �There’s nothing more we can do here.’




Chapter Three


SOMETHING wasn’t right.

They should have been able to debrief and put things into perspective on the long road trip back to headquarters courtesy of a military vehicle. They could have talked through how impossible it would have been to save that young woman. Even if they’d known she was there, they would still have had to evacuate all the mobile people and the time needed to shift the dead man and then extricate her would have put Ken in more trouble. And they couldn’t have known. There wasn’t even a window that Julia could have looked into from the outside.

These were things that should have been said aloud. Dissected and come to terms with. And maybe then they could have congratulated themselves on a job well done. The fact that ten people had made it out alive when it could have gone in a very different direction and claimed even more victims.

But Mac, for the first time Julia had known him, didn’t want to talk and that was confusing. He was the strongest, bravest man she had ever met. Six feet tall in his socks and without an ounce of fat on his body. His strength alone was enough to inspire confidence Julia couldn’t hope to impart as soon as he arrived on scene. But there was more to Mac than physical attributes. He was so open and honest and always smiling. Smiling so much that he had deep crinkles around his eyes and grooves on his cheeks. She had seen him tired beyond exhaustion. Frustrated enough to be angry. Sad, even, to the point of his voice sounding thick with tears, but she’d never seen him quite like this.

�I’m stuffed,’ he said, when she tried to get him to talk at the start of their road trip home. �I need sleep. Let’s leave the talking till later, OK?’

Which would have been fine, except that Mac didn’t sleep. Neither could Julia, Not after she’d noticed the way he was staring through the window on his side. Lost in thoughts he obviously didn’t want to share and looking so…bleak.

He closed his eyes, later, but he was feigning sleep. Julia could tell because she could see the way his hands were clenched into fists. So tense.

She wanted—badly—to touch him. To find out what was bothering him and—somehow—make it better.

She cared, dammit. Too much.

And so she said nothing. She kept to her side of the back seat and stared out of her window. Her body ached with weariness and more than a few bumps and bruises but her heart ached more.

For Mac.

Ten years.

It had been a decade ago and Mac hadn’t even thought about it for eons.

What was it about that moment that had brought it back so vividly?

The long blonde hair?

The early pregnancy?

Or was it because Julia had been standing so close to him?

It was like pieces of a jigsaw he hadn’t intended, or wanted, to solve had come together out of nowhere.

Mac could hear the suck of heavy-duty tyres on water-soaked roadways along with the rumble of the engine and the background buzz of the radio station the driver was listening to. Runnels of water coalesced on the window and then streaked sideways but Mac wasn’t really watching. He was seeing an altogether different picture.

No wonder he found Julia Bennett so damned attractive on so many levels. It wasn’t just that she was gorgeous and smart and brave. It was that full-on approach to life in combination with an ability to sidestep any hint of a meaningful personal relationship that did it.

Presented the kind of challenge any red-blooded man would find irresistible, it was almost a matter of honour to have a crack at winning such a prize. Or wanting to.

Why hadn’t he put two and two together before this?

Because he’d done his damnedest to forget Christine, that was why. To forget the heartache of absolute failure. To move on and make a success of his life.

�You OK, mate?’ Julia had asked when they were on the main road and settling in for their journey back to headquarters.

�I’m stuffed,’ he’d growled. And he was. Exhausted both physically and emotionally. In pain, actually, because something raw had been unexpectedly exposed deep within. He’d never talked to anyone about it. Ever. And if he did, Julia would be at the bottom of any list of potential listeners. He wasn’t about to admit the kind of failure he was on a personal level. Preferably not to anyone but especially not to a woman whom he doubted had ever failed at anything and who would be less than impressed with a man who was nowhere near her equal.

�I need sleep,’ he’d added tonelessly, turning away from her. �Let’s leave the talking till later, OK?’

She accepted his withdrawal and why wouldn’t she? Today had been tough. This was the best job in the world but it took a day when they succeeded a hundred per cent to reinforce that. A job when no one died or got maimed for life. The way through feeling like that was to talk about it, of course. He knew that. Debriefing was ingrained in anyone who worked in careers that dealt with this kind of trauma and degree of human suffering. It was a part of the job, really, to analyse everything that had happened. To take a quiet pride in things that had been done well and to learn from anything else so they could go out and do an even better job next time.

But he couldn’t talk to Julia about this. Not yet. Not when he’d been blindsided by memories and could see danger signs a mile high. Signs that warned him how easy it would be to fall in love with this woman. Hell, he was already quite a way down that track and hadn’t even noticed.

He couldn’t afford to let her anywhere near him right now, when the scab over that failure had been ripped off and he was feeling raw. Vulnerable, even, and Alan MacCulloch didn’t do vulnerable, thanks very much. Imagine if she wasn’t unimpressed with his history. If she accepted him, warts and all. He’d fall. Hard. In a way he’d managed to avoid for a whole decade. Nearly a quarter of his life, come to think of it.

She didn’t want that.

Neither did he.

Julia was looking at him. He could feel it. He could sense her concern, like a gust of warmth crossing the gap on the back seat in the back of this vehicle. She wanted to offer comfort but Mac didn’t want that either. He closed his eyes and pretended to sleep.

Well after midnight, they got back to the outskirts of Glasgow and the station they shared with a road-based ambulance service. They collected their packs from the back of the truck.

�Cheers, mate,’ Julia said to the soldier who’d been their chauffeur. �Hope you get to go back to base and get some shuteye now.’

�Not a chance.’ The young soldier grinned. �I’ve got to get back to the scene. We’ll be there until it’s all cleaned up.’

Cleaning up was exactly what he and Julia needed to do. Mac picked up his pack and swung it onto his back. From the corner of his eye he could see Julia struggling to do the same. She was so tired she could barely stay upright, poor thing. The urge to look after her was far too strong to ignore.

�Here,’ he said gruffly. �I’ll take them. You go and hit the showers.’

�No, thanks.’ The tone was cool. �I can manage.’

She gave up on lifting the pack to her back and just held it in her arms instead, turning away without a glance in his direction.

It was a slap he deserved so he had no right to feel hurt. Julia had done nothing wrong and hadn’t deserved to be treated the way he had treated her. God, how selfish had he been? Maybe she’d been the one who needed the debrief. Praise, if nothing else, for her extraordinary courage and endurance.

He’d made a mistake. A big one. How hard would it have been to talk about the job like they always did? Made a few jokes, even. The kind of black humour that diffused the dark space they were all in danger of slipping into with this kind of job. He could have made her smile and that would have made him smile and feel good. She would never have guessed that he’d been thinking of anything other than work.

He’d been stupid as well as selfish. Not only had he created an uncomfortable distance between himself and his partner, it had been the worst defence possible for himself. He’d had nothing to do but think for nearly two hours. Sitting there being so aware of the woman sitting beside him. Wanting her and pushing her away simultaneously.

God, he’d never felt this tired. Exhaustion was becoming confusion. A long, hot shower was what he needed and then he’d head home. Maybe it was better not to say anything more to Jules tonight in an attempt to put things right because, the way he was feeling, he would most likely make things worse. They were due for two days off now. By the time they had to see each other again, she might have forgotten his moodiness or at least forgiven his silence. They could just go back and pick up where they’d left off.

Being colleagues who respected and cared about each other. Julia had called the soldier �mate’ and it was what she often called him as well. That’s what they were. Mates. Comrades. Not quite friends because that implied something a lot more personal than they had. Dangerous territory.

The decision to leave things was a relief. The shower and change into warm, dry civvies was a comfort. Mac signed himself out and noted Julia’s signature already in the logbook. She’d left before him and that was good.

Or was it?

And why was her car still in the parking lot at the back of the station?

Maybe she’d gone into the messroom to talk to the crew on night shift. Mac battled, briefly, with the desire to retrace his footsteps and find her but solved the problem by turning towards his own vehicle—a hefty, black four-wheel drive that filled his allocated space. Overflowed from it, in fact, despite him nosing it in until the front bumper virtually touched the moss of the old stone wall surrounding this area. There were trees on the other side of the wall. Big, dark shapes that created such intense shadows he didn’t see Julia until he was about to pull his driver’s door open.

She was sitting on the wall. Wrapped up in a padded anorak and mittens. Waiting for him.

�What the—?’

Julia jumped down. Her hood fell away and she wrapped her arms around her body as she took a step forward. And then another. Until she was close enough for him to see that her hair was still damp despite the protection the hood had given her from the drizzle. Close enough for him to smell the shampoo she’d just been using.

�I couldn’t go home,’ she said quietly. �Not without knowing what rattled your cage so much tonight.’ Her gaze caught his and held it. �Was it something I did?’

�Good grief, no!’ Mac was transfixed. By the smell of…what was it? A mixture of soap and…almonds, that’s what it was. Even more by the warmth he could feel radiating off this small, determined woman. Most of all, by the way her eyes seemed to catch the glow from the lights behind him in the parking lot. He knew her eyes were blue but right now they were just huge and dark and full of concern.

�It…it was the job,’ he told her. �It…got to me.’

�Of course it did.’ A tiny nod advertised that Julia had already come to that conclusion. �There’d be something wrong if it didn’t.’ She frowned now, glancing down and lowering her voice. �But why couldn’t you talk about it? Like we always do?’

Mac opened his mouth to offer the same excuse of exhaustion. Or to say he’d been asleep but it was obvious she knew he would be lying. She was looking up at him again and he could see plainly that she knew he hadn’t been asleep. She’d seen through him in the truck and she was seeing through him now. Right into his head. Into his heart. There was no escape and, suddenly, Mac didn’t want to find one.

�That woman,’ he heard himself saying. �She…reminded me of someone.’

�Ahh.’ The sound was long. It contained complete understanding that there was—or had been—a woman of great importance in his life. Far more important than herself.

Mac could actually see the thought process going on in the way she was standing so still she wasn’t even blinking. The almost imperceptible backing away he could sense. The way her lips were parted a fraction as her mind worked.

And that slight parting of her lips was Mac’s complete undoing.

She was so wrong to put herself down in any way but that was exactly what she was doing. She was convincing herself that she had been dismissed in favour of the woman he’d been thinking about. That she was somehow less worthy of his attention. So wrong, and there was only one way he could think to prove it as soon as he noticed her lips.

He had to kiss her.

She could have stopped him. Time seemed to slow down to a crawl. He looked at her mouth and then back to her eyes and he could see that she knew he was unable to resist the temptation now that the thought had occurred to him. Slowly and deliberately…so slowly she had any amount of time to duck out of reach, he tilted and lowered his head. He was giving her the chance to move. Part of him was desperately hoping she would.

But she didn’t move a single muscle.

Her mouth was there. Waiting for him. Her lips still parted. And even then Mac moved so slowly he could feel the warmth of her breath against his lips before he closed that last, infinitesimal space.

Once his lips touched hers, he couldn’t think of anything else at all. Her mouth claimed his. Dragged him in. Drugged him. It was only the need for oxygen that forced him to break the contact but then he heard the sound that Julia made. A soft whimper of desire and he was lost again.

When her mittened hands came up to circle his neck, he surrendered himself without a heartbeat’s hesitation. He caught her head in his hands and tilted it. Touched her lips and then her tongue with his own and it felt like the ground had vanished from beneath his feet. He was weightless. Floating. Vaporised in some fashion by the heat being generated.

When he became aware of what he was standing on again, Mac felt reality returning with a jolt. Who had broken that extraordinary kiss? He didn’t think he could have if his life had depended on it.

He was breathing hard. So was Julia. She’d stepped back from him. It must have been she who had broken the contact, then, because Mac was sure his feet hadn’t moved. What was she thinking? What on earth could he say that might diffuse the intensity of what had just happened? Did he want to?

And then Julia peeped up at him and grinned.

�You have to marry me now, you know,’ she said.

Mac’s jaw dropped but then it hit him. This was a joke. Maybe Julia’s reaction to the kiss had been nothing like his own. Or maybe she was just as astonished as he was and needed enough space to get her head around it. For whatever reason, she was going to make light of it and right now, it seemed the perfect way forward.

�Hey…’ He feigned shock. �It was only a kiss.’

�Only a kiss? Cheers, Mac.’ But her lips twitched and there was a glow of merriment in her eyes.

Mac’s smile felt rusty but it was still there. And it grew. He could feel it stretching something that had got way too tight inside him. �It was a pretty good kiss,’ he said thoughtfully.

Julia nodded in agreement. �Exactly.’ She sighed. �So now you have to marry me.’

Mac’s smile broadened. �Is that so?’

Julia nodded again. Firmly. �Yep. I paid attention at school and Sister Therese said…’

The bark of ironic laughter came from nowhere. Oh, God…if only Julia knew that she was making a joke about the very thing that had been haunting Mac so keenly. He could actually hear a faint echo of his own voice from a decade ago.

�I’ll marry you, Chris. We can make this work.’

And hers. Scathing.

�You can’t be serious! You think I want a kid? Holding me back? Interfering with everything I want to do with my life?’

�It’s my baby, too. You can’t just—’

�It’s my body, Alan. I can do whatever I like and you can’t stop me.’

How could he have thought that Julia and Christine were alike? The very idea of marriage had been an insult. A threat, even, to the woman he’d believed himself in love with. Something that could never have been discussed reasonably, let alone joked about.

That Julia could make a joke of it was the other end of the spectrum, wasn’t it? Maybe he should find that almost as offensive but, somehow, it wasn’t.

She didn’t know and, at this particular moment in time, it really didn’t matter. How could it, in the wake of that astonishing kiss that had taken him somewhere he’d never been before? A place that held release rather than tension. A pleasure so pure it was paradise.

Relief was coursing through him as well. If he wanted to make something out of this new development in their relationship with each other it was going to be up to him. Julia wasn’t bothered. She could laugh it off. Even better, any damage done by his behaviour tonight was repaired. They would be able to work together again without a barrier that would have been unbearable.

He could play this game. He could laugh it off too and make it go away.

�Come on, then,’ he said, completely deadpan. �I’ve got a full tank in my car and Gretna Green isn’t that far away.’

Julia laughed. She turned away, shaking her head. �Are you kidding? I only listened to Sister Therese’s rules, I didn’t obey them.’ She was walking away now, towards her small car, but her words floated back, still coated with laughter. �Kisses don’t make babies. You’re safe, mate.’

Safe?

Safe?

Who was she trying to kid?

Mac wasn’t in a remotely safe place right now. What was worse, a part of him didn’t think he wanted to be either. The part that wanted to go after Julia right now and grab her and take her in his arms for another kiss.

At least part of his head was still functioning sensibly. He wrenched open the heavy door of his vehicle, eager to shut himself into the temporary sanctuary.



�He what?’

�Kissed me. Come on, Annie. This line is so good you might as well be here sitting on the end of my bed. You heard just fine.’

�I’m just…surprised.’

�You and me both.’ Julia’s laugh was hollow. �Actually, I have the horrible feeling it might have been me, kissing him.’

�Who made the first move?’

�Him. No, me. Oh, God, I don’t know. I was worried about him after the job because he’d been so quiet and I kind of ambushed him in the car park. And…and it just kind of happened. The thing is, what am I going to do about it?’

�Why do you have to do anything about it?’

�Because he’s my partner. The last three months have been the best I’ve ever had and I don’t want to spoil our working relationship. I might have already!’

�Why? Was it a horrible kiss?’

�No…’ Julia’s sigh was heartfelt. �It was even better than I thought it would be.’

�Aha!’ Her sister pounced. �I knew you fancied him.’

�Of course I fancy him. Who wouldn’t? He’s gorgeous.’

�So what’s the problem? You’re a big girl now, Jules. Go for it. Lord knows, a fling would do you the world of good. How long has it been? Two years?’

�Nearly three.’

�So this is the perfect opportunity.’

�Why?’

�You’ve only got another three months there. More than long enough to find out if it’s a real possibility. An easy way out if it’s not. Life shouldn’t be all work and no play, you know.’

�That’s rich, coming from you.’ Julia chuckled. Then she sighed. �It wouldn’t be just playing,’ she said then. �And that’s why I can’t go there. It’s just too scary.’

There was a short silence on the other end of the line. �You wouldn’t say that unless there’s something really special about him. You think you’re going to fall in love with him and get hurt again, don’t you?’

�I’m probably halfway there already,’ Julia groaned. �And if I wasn’t before that kiss I certainly am now.’

�All the more reason to try it out.’

�I can’t.’ Julia shook her head even though her sister was half a world away from seeing the decisive action. �No way. Because he’s special. One of us would end up getting hurt. Probably me. Maybe both of us.’

�Not necessarily.’

Julia spoke softly. �He adores kids, Anne. He’s the perfect father-in-waiting.’

�Oh-h-h…’

The sound was so full of understanding and sympathy it brought tears to Julia’s eyes.

�You won’t believe what I said to him after that kiss.’

�What?’

�I said…’ Julia had to catch her breath to swallow a sob that was determined to escape. �I said that he’d have to marry me now because of what Sister Therese used to say at school. Do you remember? About kissing and babies?’

�Oh, no!’ But Anne was laughing. �Why do you do it to yourself, hon? Every time. Salt in wounds and all that.’

�It’s the way I deal with stuff. You know that.’

Her sister’s voice was soft. �I know you’re not as tough as you like to make out, Jules. I know how much it can hurt.’

�Better to make jokes than let people feel sorry for me. Or not to tell them and let things go further than is good for anyone involved.’

�Mac’s not Peter.’

�No. I doubt there’s anyone on earth that quite matches my ex-fiancé in the creep stakes.’

�It’s been three years. Maybe it’s time to have a look and see what else is out there. When was the last time you met anyone you were attracted to this much?’

�Three years.’ Julia gave an unamused huff. �Tell you what, if I come across any nice widowers with a few motherless children in tow, I’ll pounce, I promise.’

�There are plenty of men who could actually handle adoption. Or surrogacy.’

�Or who would say they can. Where have I heard that before?’ Julia couldn’t help the bitter edge to her voice. �And then they’ll turn up two weeks before the wedding and say, “Oops, sorry, babe. I got someone else pregnant and guess what? It is a major after all.”’ Neither could she help the spill of words she’d kept bottled up for so long. �“I didn’t realise how amazing being a father was going to be and this is the real thing. I didn’t have to go into some cubicle in a clinic and look at dirty magazines and—”’ Julia stopped abruptly, gave a huge sniff and then cleared her throat. �Sorry,’ she added quietly.

�Don’t be. You should have said all this a long time ago instead of brushing it off and putting on such a brave front.’

�I guess I’ve been thinking about it all again, thanks to that kiss. No, actually…’ Julia closed her eyes. �I’ve been thinking about it since the first day on the job here. Since I saw who I’d be working with. I’ve thought about it every time I’ve seen him with kids. The way he is with them.’

She didn’t notice the way her tone softened. �He’s a born dad. You should have seen him today. We had this little girl on the train. Carla, her name was. She was only seven and so scared and then I handed her up to Mac and he just has to look at her and she’s smiling. It was—’

�Hey, I think I saw that on the news when I walked past someone’s television this morning,’ Anne interrupted. �I haven’t had time to check the papers. I knew it was in the UK somewhere but I didn’t realise you were involved.’

�Yep. It was up between Edinburgh and Inverness. Bang in our patch.’

�I saw someone dangling off the bridge trying to look in the windows of the carriage. It looked horrific. Was that Mac?’

Julia remembered hearing a helicopter hovering that could well have contained a news crew. �It was probably me,’ she admitted. �I went down first to assess things.’

�Oh, my God!’Anne groaned. �Don’t tell me it was you who climbed inside the carriage to get people out. Good grief, you must have. You were just telling me about that little girl.’

�Someone had to,’ Julia said matter-of-factly. �And it’s what I do, remember?’

�How can I forget?’ Julia heard a heavy sigh. �I want you home safe and sound, Jules. The sooner the better, thanks.’

�Stop worrying so much.’

�It’s what I do, remember? I’m your big sister. I…miss you, kiddo.’

�I miss you, too.’

Oh, dear. This conversation was supposed to be picking her up after a miserable day of work when she hadn’t been able to find anything to take her mind off Mac. Or that kiss. Or put a stop to the flashes of desire and hope that always spiralled into hopelessness. Now she was going to be feeling homesick on top of heartsick.

�How are you, anyway?’ she asked brightly. �How’s work?’

�Flat out,’ Anne said co-operatively. �We had three cases back to back yesterday and they were all complicated. The biggest was an ostium primum atrial septal defect that extended through both AV valves into the ventricular septum.’

�Wow! How did that go?’

�Great. Little Down’s syndrome girl. Very cute. She was awake when I did my rounds in PICU this morning.’

Julia swallowed. Was the mere mention of a child enough to drag her thoughts back to yesterday? To Mac?

�Any word on that consultancy position?’

�They’re going to advertise it soon. Richards thinks I’ll be a top contender.’

�You’ll get it. Good heavens, you’re going to be a consultant paediatric cardiac surgeon by the time you’re thirty-five. Go, you!’

�I’m not holding my breath. I’ve been working towards this for nearly fifteen years. I can wait as long as it takes.’

�Wait until I get home, anyway. I want to help celebrate.’

�I’ll tell them not to advertise for a couple of months, shall I?’

�You do that.’ Julia was smiling again but something new was being added to the mix of emotions she’d been grappling with. Three months wasn’t very long. She was already halfway through her time here and look how fast it had gone. It would only seem a blink until she was heading home again and then she’d never see Mac again. She’d never know what might have happened if she’d…

�Hey, it’s Saturday on your side of the world.’ Desperation was providing another distraction. �You’ve got a night off for once. You and Dave going out on a hot date?’

�I will if you will.’

Something in her sister’s tone made Julia’s heart sink. �Things not going any better, then?’

�Worse if anything,’Anne admitted. �I get the feeling he wants me to choose between him and my career. He wants a family. How did life get so mixed up?’

�It’s crazy, isn’t it? You can have kids and don’t want any because you’ve already been a mother to me, and I can’t and…’ Her voice trailed off. It was the biggest dream of all, wasn’t it? A home and family of her own.

It was Anne’s turn to try and provide distraction. �We’ve got each other,’ she said stoutly. �And we’ve both got amazing careers. Now, tell me all about this job with the train.’

�It was unreal. It’s been all over the Sunday papers here. I’ll scan the articles and email them to you.’

�Please. But tell me about it first so I won’t have kittens when I see the pictures.’

�OK.’ This was good. Anne’s career was so much part of her, it was inseparable from who she was. Julia needed to be more like that. So passionate about her career that anything else got at least a slightly lower priority. Things like relationships. That ordinary kind of family unit she’d never had herself as a child and could never create for any children of her own.

She was a survivor. She’d already survived being orphaned as a young child, hadn’t she? And a brush with cancer that had led to a hysterectomy at the age of twenty-two, for heaven’s sake. Life couldn’t throw anything at her that she couldn’t handle.

�We got the call about 2 p.m.,’ she told her sister. �And when we spotted the target, I really couldn’t believe what I was seeing…’




Chapter Four


THANK heaven for uniforms!

If she didn’t have a uniform to put on, Julia might have had the entire contents of her admittedly meagre wardrobe strewn over her bed this morning, thanks to a bad dose of what could only be described as �first date’ nerves.

She hadn’t seen Mac for two days.

Two days of worrying about how it would be when they saw each other for the first time in the wake of that kiss.

Two nights of reliving said kiss and her imagination hadn’t held back in exploring what might have happened if they’d been somewhere other than an open car park. Or if she hadn’t pulled away and then done her best to dismiss the moment by cracking a stupid joke about it.

The night time was manageable. Private. A guilty but irresistible pleasure.

It was the day time workings of her overactive imagination that was causing the nerves. So many scenarios had presented themselves. The worst was an awkward coolness between herself and Mac that everyone would notice and would make working together a misery instead of a joy.

At the other end of the spectrum, she could imagine an escalation of attraction which drew them together like human magnets. And that would probably have exactly the same effect due to the kind of tension it would create.

The best she could hope for was something in the middle. A return to the status quo but with a connection that had been deepened. A step towards a genuine friendship perhaps.

That was what Julia really wanted.

�Who are you trying to kid?’ she muttered at her reflection, pausing in disgust as she realised what she was about to do.

In disgust, she threw the mascara wand back into the drawer. Make-up was an occasional indulgence and only ever used for a night out. Never for work. What was she thinking?

As if she didn’t know!

�Focus,’ she ordered herself, tucking the black T-shirt with the red SERT insignia into her black trousers.

�On your career,’ she specified, lacing up her steel-capped black boots. �Like Anne does. It’s all you need to do.’

She tied the knots in the laces tightly. �You’re going to be the best you possibly can be in a job you absolutely love,’ she said aloud.

The determined talk to herself was helpful. It worked right through the fifteen-minute drive from the farm cottage she was leasing and got her through parking close to that big, black vehicle and the stone wall that marked the spot where the kiss had happened.

The flashback was so powerful she actually raised her hand to touch her lips, convinced she could feel the pressure of his all over again. Impossible not to push that mental rewind button as she had so many times already. Back to before the kiss had happened. To that delicious waiting. Knowing what was about to happen and experiencing a more intense anticipation than she would have believed anything could engender.

Julia tore her gaze away from the wall. She could stop doing this. Stop thinking about it. She couldn’t stop that odd kick in her gut, though, or the tingles that shot out from it to spread throughout her entire body but she could—and did—ignore their significance. It was nothing more than a physical thing. She could deal with this.

At least, she could until she walked into the messroom and saw what it was that she really wanted, standing there beside the bench, making coffee.

Mac.

Tall. Solid. Julia eyed his back cautiously, hoping like hell he wouldn’t turn around until she got her errant mind—and body—back under control.

He’s not even that good looking, she thought somewhat desperately. He’s…rugged. His nose and mouth are a bit big and he’s got that odd dimple in the middle of his chin. And he looks older than he is. Kind of weathered.

And he’s got some other woman he cares about. One with long, blonde hair.

Yes. Maybe this was the track to take. It certainly felt like a splash of cold water. Julia poked her fingers through her own hair, making the spikes more prominent.

A pixie cut, the hairdresser had promised, but it looked more like a hedgehog now that it had grown out a little. Appropriate, really, given her short, little legs.

That blonde woman was probably tall. And beautiful.

And that was fine, because she wasn’t interested in Mac as anything other than a colleague.

Oh, Lord. This was going to be every bit as dreadful as she’d feared. That kiss had unleashed something that had to be chained up again. Currently it felt like something far too wild to even begin trying to handle. It was too hard to move her feet and take the first step in any attempt. Her heart was thumping and her stomach was tying itself into a painful knot.

And then Mac turned his head. �Hey, Jules. Want a coffee?’

It was exactly what he would have said last week. In exactly the same kind of tone. The knot inside began to melt and Julia’s heart gave a peculiar kind of wiggle and then settled into a steady rhythm she could ignore. It was going to be OK.

She nodded. �Yes, please.’

And here it was. The first challenge. Eye contact that would be far too easy to maintain and allow to continue long enough to be significant. To send messages that Julia had no intention of transmitting. But Mac’s glance only brushed hers. Just a whisper of contact. The kind you might make with a complete stranger.

It should have been reassuring.

It certainly shouldn’t feel like a physical shove to push her away and even if it did, it shouldn’t feel this disappointing.

The Sunday papers were still scattered all over the big table in the kitchen area. Julia made an effort and shifted her focus.

�They took some great pictures, didn’t they? I love that one of you and Carla being winched up. You should contact the paper and see if you can get a copy.’

�The TV footage was even better.’ Mac came towards her, carrying two steaming mugs. He put one in front of Julia and then sat down. �They caught you climbing into the carriage. Did you see it?’

�No.’ Julia was happy to follow Mac’s example and sit down. Maybe she could relax all those tense muscles now because Mac sounded completely normal. As though the kiss had never happened. Her smile was rueful. �I think my sister did, though. She’s planning my obituary in case I don’t make it back home.’

Mac smiled. Just one of those crooked, half-smiles he was so good at but Julia was aware of that melting sensation inside again. She reached for her mug and cupped her hands around it as though needing the comfort of its warmth.

�I heard you telling Ken about her. She sounds pretty special.’

Julia risked an upward glance. This was different. A conversation about something personal? But Mac’s expression was simply interested. She couldn’t read anything more into this step onto new territory.

She shrugged. �Yeah…probably not the done thing to share one’s life history with a patient but he needed distraction.’

Mac was pulling a section of the newspaper closer, signalling that the personal conversation was over, but then Julia was surprised again.

�Not many people get raised by a sibling,’ he said.

�No. She’s an amazing person.’ Julia was happy to talk about this. This was exactly the kind of conversations that colleagues on the way to being friends could have. �She was only six and I was a baby when Mum died but Dad always said she grew up overnight and turned into a mother instead of a sister. When she wasn’t at school she had to be the one looking after me, and woe betide any nanny who tried to interfere.’

Mac raised an eyebrow. �Determination is a family trait, then?’

�Yeah…’ Was that a compliment of some kind? Way too hard to tell and why on earth was she bothered, anyway? She really, really didn’t want this kind of emotional roller-coaster going on in her head.

She could ignore it and it would go away. Julia concentrated on her coffee for the short silence that followed. In the normal run of things, they might have a brief conversation but then they’d probably look at the papers while they finished their drinks. Or discuss what the day might bring. There was no one else on station at the moment, which meant the road crews were busy. If there were no callouts for the specialist crews they could be used to help cover other work.

Julia was hoping that the silence was only feeling awkward for herself but Mac’s abrupt question advertised otherwise.

�She’s a doctor? Your sister?’

�A paediatric cardiothoracic surgical registrar, no less.’

�That’s extremely impressive.’

�Sure is. I’m very proud of her.’

�But you weren’t tempted to go to med school yourself?’

�Tempted, yes. But then I thought about being confined in an ED or a theatre or a general practice and I got cabin fever.’

�You wanted adventure.’

�Yeah.’

�A bit of danger.’

�Too right!’

�No two jobs the same.’

�You got it.’ They were both smiling now. Of course Mac got it. They shared a passion for this work and it was a connection far too strong to ignore.

We’re talking about work, Julia reminded herself. That’s the connection. We’re colleagues.

So why did it feel like something else entirely? That rapid-fire exchange seemed to have derailed them both and led them straight back to where they’d been…the moment before that kiss.

Mac’s smile faded and he looked away. �I’m not surprised she worries about you. She’s still being a mother, isn’t she?’

�Kind of.’ Julia sucked in a breath, pushing this man and her reactions to him out of her head. Trying to concentrate and think about her sister, instead. It was a complicated relationship that had undergone a huge change as she’d left her teens. A rough couple of years, those had been, what with the diagnosis of early endometrial cancer, the surgery and the grief that had accompanied her recuperation with such a huge adjustment needed in what she had envisaged as her future. �She’s like a mother and a sister and a best friend all rolled into one, I guess.’

Mac was silent for a heartbeat. �You must miss her.’

�I do.’

He cleared his throat. �Guess you’ll be looking forward to getting home, then.’

And there it was. Challenge number two. Had Mac intended any significance behind those words? If she said she couldn’t wait to get back to the other side of the world, she could ensure that any thoughts he might have of following up on that kiss would be buried because she would really be saying she wasn’t interested in him.

The split second of identifying that significance was enough of a hesitation. Mac stood up and took his mug back to the sink to rinse it. The question morphed into a statement and left the clear impression that the fact she was looking forward to leaving was acceptable.

A relief, even?



He could do this.

That pesky part of Mac’s brain that was attached to something much lower on his body just needed a bit more squashing and it would fit neatly into a box that could be locked and then ignored.

He’d managed well so far today, apart from that tiny prod he hadn’t been able to resist this morning, asking if Julia was looking forward to getting home. Alert for a flicker of something other than the impression she was trying very hard to pretend that kiss had never happened. Testing her. Or testing himself?

Whatever. They had both passed.

They’d tidied and restocked the back of the helicopter and then their kits but all they’d discussed had been things like the strength of disinfectant to use or the fact that they were low on IV supplies and morphine. It hadn’t helped that the busy start to the day for the road crew had become an unusually quiet day and, once he and Julia had moved inside to do the kits, they were hanging around, keen to hear as much inside detail as they could about the train-crash scene.

�So how did you tackle the fractured femur?’

�Usual protocol,’ Julia responded as she pulled pockets of the back packs open and laid out their contents to see what was missing. �Oxygen, fluids, pain relief and a traction splint. Just the same as you’d be doing.’

�Bit different, hanging in mid-air with a vertical aisle! Must have been hellishly awkward.’

�Jules can work anywhere,’ Mac told them. �She’s like a cross between a contortionist and…’

He had to think of something that could describe both her level of endurance and the way she could use her body. Impossible not to let his gaze rest on that body for a moment as he tried to come up with that word. No overalls right now. She was wearing the team T-shirt and it hugged the curves of her upper body. Her arms were bare and he could see the definition of her muscles. She was as fit as he was. If he touched her upper arm, it would be firm. Those curves on the front of her T-shirt wouldn’t be firm, though, would they? They’d be…Oh, God! Desire seeped out of that mental box, that wasn’t secure enough yet, to tackle him like a solid force. He hurriedly shifted his gaze back to that defined biceps.

�A weightlifter,’ he supplied.

Nobody had noticed his hesitation. Julia was wrinkling her nose at him.

�Gee, thanks, mate,’ she huffed. �You make me sound like some kind of muscle-bound circus act.’

Mac grinned. And then quirked an eyebrow, keeping his tone very casual. �I only meant that you’re supple. And strong. It was a compliment.’

�Oh-h-h.’ The look Julia gave their audience said that this was a one-off, getting a compliment. The look she flashed in Mac’s direction said something rather different. There was almost a question there—as though she was puzzled by something.

That kiss was still there. Hanging in the air between them.

�Not that strong,’ she said in a tone as offhand as his had been. �I couldn’t have got her onto that stretcher without you, let alone up and out of the carriage.’

Mac leaned past her to drop a new pack of luer plugs onto one of the piles. �We make a good team,’ he said. �That’s all.’

There. He’d said it aloud and he could feel the way Julia stilled for a moment. As though she was capturing his words and soaking in their significance. The kiss was history. They were colleagues again. Nothing more.

�What about the other guy?’ Mac was grateful for the voice of the paramedic. Moving them on and chasing that moment into the past, where it belonged—along with that unfortunate kiss.

�You mean Ken?’ Was he imagining any strain in her voice? �The one with the spinal injury?’

�Yeah.’

�That was tricky,’ she said. No. She sounded normal. Delighted to be discussing something professional. �There was a bit more to worry about than there would have been getting him out of, say, a car crash. We knew we had to get him out of the seat and then up the aisle before we could keep him horizontal.’

�Did you use a KED?’

�Absolutely. Couldn’t have managed without one.’

�What level was the lesion?’

�Reasonably high. Paresthesia in both hands.’

�Diaphragmatic breathing?’

�No. And he didn’t go into a significant level of neurogenic shock, fortunately.’

Mac was only half listening, vaguely irritated by the chatter without knowing why. He kept himself busy sorting an airway roll and putting endotracheal tubes into order by size, finding the guide wires and bite blocks to put back into their correct slots, but he found himself wishing some road-based pagers would sound.

Finally, they did.

�Priority three,’ the paramedic said, clearly disappointed. �Probably a transfer. If you guys get something good happening while we’re out, you’ll owe us a beer.’

A vaguely tense silence fell once they were alone in the messroom again. Mac fiddled with the kit, making sure everything was perfectly aligned. He was simply too aware of their proximity, that was all. Too aware that the kiss had changed something. It had been a mistake on both sides and they were both doing their best to pretend it hadn’t happened, but it had and now it was just…there.

But they couldn’t talk about it. If they did, it would be tantamount to admitting attraction and Mac didn’t want that conversation. He didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to think about it because if he did, he couldn’t control the pull that came in its wake.

A pull towards something he really didn’t want. Territory he was more than content to be exiled from. This pull was stronger than anything he’d come across in ten years of voluntary exile. And for the first time it felt like he was in a place he might not want to be in for much longer.

A lonely place.

He didn’t like that feeling. It was a relief when Julia broke the silence.

�Mac?’

He looked up. Hell…there was a plea in her eyes. She wanted something from him and if she asked, it might take more strength than he had to refuse.

�Mmm?’ It was a noncommittal sound.

�Do you think…if it stays this quiet…?’

She was hesitant. About to ask for something that might not be entirely professional? Mac’s mouth went curiously dry.

�I was hoping…’ Julia’s smile was mischievous �…that we might be able to sneak out and go and visit Ken.’



Mac was quiet again.

He was driving the late-model SUV that was the SERT team’s road vehicle, having checked with Control that it was all right for them to head into the city to visit the hospital Ken had been admitted to. If necessary, they could head for the helipad or any other job at a moment’s notice.

This car had only the front seats. The back was packed with all the equipment they could need in an emergency but there was no stretcher. It was used as an advance vehicle to get to a major incident first, an area where no ambulance was available or as back-up for a serious case. An ambulance had to be dispatched as well for transporting any patients and sometimes, if the patient required treatment beyond the skill level of an available road crew, they would have to abandon this vehicle to travel to the hospital and then retrieve it later.

Julia was becoming increasingly aware of how quiet Mac was as she listened in on the radio traffic. The blips advertising a new message were coming thick and fast. An ambulance was being dispatched to a three car pile-up. Someone else was reporting an NFA from another scene. No further assistance was required there because it was a DOA rather than the cardiac arrest that had been called in. A crew patched through advance notice of a critically ill stroke patient they were transporting to a receiving emergency department and a vehicle was being sent to a rural area to be on standby while the fire service dealt with a house fire.

Busy but nothing out of the ordinary. Julia had her fingers crossed that a call wouldn’t come in the next little while. Long enough for them to visit Ken and see how he was getting on. And long enough to find out why Mac seemed to have withdrawn again.

Not as much as he had the other night, travelling back from the train crash but enough to worry Julia and chip away at this morning’s relief when it had seemed like they could get past any awkward aftermath of that kiss. His message had been received loud and clear. They were a good team and that was all, but they’d never had this odd tension between them before. Silences that became loaded so quickly.

And Mac had made a tentative step towards friendship this morning, hadn’t he? She could reciprocate and maybe that would be enough to fix things properly.

�So…’ Having made the resolution, Julia impulsively reached out to turn down the volume of the radio. �Fair’s fair, Mac.’

He shot her a wary glance.

�I mean, I’m feeling at a disadvantage now. Like I haven’t had my turn.’

The look was a frown this time. �I’m not following you. What have I had that you haven’t?’

�Information.’

�Such as?’

�Well, you know a lot more about me than I do about you.’

Mac was staring into the side mirror, watching for an opportunity to change lanes. �Not that much.’

�Enough,’ Julia said firmly. She switched off the tiny voice at the back of her mind that was suggesting she might be making a mistake here. �It’s my turn,’ she continued. �I want to know about you.’

Mac was still concentrating on his driving. He changed lanes twice and then indicated an upcoming turn but Julia was watching his face just as carefully and she saw something in the softening of his features that suggested her interest might not be unwelcome. That encouragement was more than enough to switch off that annoying little voice.

�You know heaps,’ Mac said. �How old I am, where I come from, where I did my training. How I like my coffee.’ He gave her just the hint of a crooked smile. �All the important stuff.’

Julia laughed, shaking her head. �That last one’s going to come back and bite you, mate. And I’m not talking about work stuff. I’m talking about the kinds of things friends might talk about. We are friends, aren’t we?’

Friends. It was such a nice, safe word. She could definitely detect a lessening of any tension in the atmosphere now.

�You want to talk about football? Wrestling, maybe?’

Julia’s breath hitched. No, not wrestling. �That’s boy stuff,’ she said dismissively. �I’m talking family. Like what you know about me. Brothers, sisters, exwives…that sort of thing.’

Oh…God! What on earth had made that come out? This wasn’t the time to diffuse tension by cracking stupid jokes.

Mac looked as startled as she was herself. �You want to know about my ex-wife?’

Julia swallowed. �You have one?’

A tiny pause and then a huff of sound that had an unmistakably ironic twinge. �No.’

She had to laugh again, to hide the flash of…what was it, relief? Elation? Something entirely inappropriate, anyway. This was supposed to be a joke. Something light that would make Mac smile.

�That’s two,’ she told him sternly. �Any more and I can’t promise you’ll survive the retribution.’

Mac chuckled. �OK, shoot. My past history is an open book.’

Was it? Could she ask about the blonde woman?

No. She didn’t want to know. It was none of her business because this was about friendship, not romance.

�Brothers?’

�Nope.’

�Sisters?’

�Nope.’

�You’re an only child?’

Mac sighed. �Did you really get your degree with honours?’

Julia ignored the insult. �I wouldn’t have picked it, that’s all.’

�Why? Do I seem spoilt? Self-centred and socially insensitive or something?’

�Not at all.’ The idea of applying any of those criticisms to Mac was ludicrous. �I was kind of an only child myself, you know, what with Anne turning into my mother.’

Mac turned off onto another road and Julia saw the sign indicating the route to the Eastern Infirmary—the hospital they were heading for. This conversation would have to end very soon and she hadn’t stepped off first base, really. Mac was going all silent again so it was up to her to say something.

�It’s just that you’re such a people person,’ she said carefully. �You get on so well with everybody and you love kids. I had this picture in my head of you being the oldest in a big family. The big brother, you know?’

Mac turned into the car park. �I wish,’ he said quietly, choosing an empty slot to swing the vehicle into. �A big family was something I always dreamed of.’ He pulled on the hand brake and cut the engine.

Something inside Julia died right along with the engine.

The tiny hope that this could have been something. That they didn’t have to bury that kiss and make it go away.

It was something in Mac’s tone. A wistfulness that told her a big family was a dream that mattered a lot. Something he hadn’t had as a child but he could—and should—be able to realise it as a father.

The road that led further than that kiss could never go in that direction and she owed it to Mac not to let either of them take it further.

Not that he was showing the slightest sign of wanting to but she could have kept hoping and now she wasn’t going to. And that was good. Any potential for an emotional ride that could only end in a painful crash was being removed.

�Come on, then.’ Julia reached for the door latch. �Let’s go and find Ken.’



Their spinal injury patient from the train carriage was still in the intensive care unit but he was awake and seemed delighted to see his visitors.

�Hey, Jules! You’ve come to see me.’

�I said I would.’ Julia’s smile was lighting up her whole face and it wasn’t just Ken who was captured by its warmth. Mac had to make an effort to look away and find something else compelling enough to compete with that smile.

�I probably won’t need surgery.’ Ken sounded tired but quite happy to discuss his treatment with the person who’d played such a big part in his rescue.

�That’s fantastic,’ Julia said. �So the doctors are happy with you?’

�So far. They’ve warned me it’s going to be a long road to any recovery and they said we won’t know how bad things will end up being until after the spinal shock wears off, and that can take weeks.’

Julia was nodding, her face sympathetic. Then she glanced up at the wall behind his bed which was plastered with get-well cards.

�So many cards,’ she said. �You’re a popular man, Ken. I reckon I’d be lucky to get two if I was lying in that bed.’

�I doubt that.’ Ken’s tone was admiring. So was the gaze he had fixed on Julia. Mac felt a kind of growl rumbling in his chest. He cleared his throat.

�What was the verdict?’ he asked. �As far as damage?’

�A fracture/dislocation in C6/7 and a fracture in…um…I think it was T8. Does that mean anything?’

Mac smiled. �Sure does. Any changes in your symptoms in the last couple of days?’

�The pins and needles have gone from my hands. I’ve got them in my feet instead but they say that’s a good thing.’

�It is,’ Julia agreed. �And the earlier you see an improvement, the more likely things are to end up better than you might expect.’

�Pretty much what my doctor said.’ Ken had that slightly awed tone back again. �You really know your stuff, don’t you?’

�I’m still learning.’ Julia’s gaze flicked to Mac and she smiled.

The smile said that she was learning from him and that she was grateful. It made Mac feel important. Necessary. He had things he could give her, like knowledge and new skills. Not that he hadn’t already been doing that but it seemed more significant now. The way everything happening between them did.

The pleasurable pride faded abruptly, however, as Mac realised what that significance was. Julia had just reminded him of his position as her mentor. Of her passion for her career and why she was here.

The sound of their pagers curtailed the visit. Julia promised to visit again on her next day off and Mac was aware of another unpleasant splash of emotion.

Jealousy?

If it was, it was easily dealt with because Mac also realised that Julia had just handed him exactly what he needed.

The key to be able to lock that box.

It wasn’t that the reminder of Christine hadn’t been enough to warn him off. This was a bonus. Julia wasn’t just a woman whose career was the most important thing to her, he was her senior colleague. Her teacher. In a position of authority. To step over professional boundaries into anything more personal simply wasn’t acceptable and his reputation and status in his chosen field of work were everything to him.

This was the key.

He would talk to Julia about spinal injuries on their way to this callout. He would quiz her about spinal oedema and paralytic ileus and the scientific evidence that an early infusion of methyl prednisolone could minimise any ongoing damage to the spinal cord.

And when they were at the job they could talk about that patient. Analyse the job on the way home. Anything that would foster professionalism.

Yes. The key was in its slot and Mac was confident that it would turn smoothly.

The danger was over.




Chapter Five


�DO SEIZURES in the first week after a head injury indicate a risk of future epilepsy?’

�No.’

�Why are they serious, then?’

Julia sat down at the messroom table. �They can cause hypoxic brain damage.’

�How?’

She opened the paper bag to extract the lunch she had purchased at a nearby noodle house. Hers was a chili chicken mix and Mac had gone for beef and black beans. He was using a fork and she had chopsticks but it wasn’t the differences in their meal or implement choices that was bothering her right now. It wasn’t even because Joe had taken his lunch out the back somewhere so he could have a chat to his wife on the phone while he ate, thereby depriving Julia of some ordinary, stress-free conversation.

No. What was bothering her was that it had been nearly three days since they’d gone to visit Ken and something had flicked a switch in Mac in the wake of that hospital visit. He’d turned into the mentor from hell. Julia felt like she was either listening to a lecture, taking an exam or demonstrating practical skills to an assessor. He was perfectly friendly and smiling as much as he ever had. He was taking an interest in her training that could only be described as keen and he clearly wanted to help her challenge herself and learn more. He was also very quick to praise anything and everything she did well.

And it was driving her around the bend!

OK, so the kiss had been a mistake. They both knew that. She’d been content that they’d reset the ground rules so that friendship was permissible but somehow, after that visit to Ken, Mac had changed the rules again and she didn’t understand why. Julia was becoming increasingly frustrated. No, actually, she was getting seriously annoyed.

He was safe. She wasn’t about to ambush him again and jump his bones. No matter how attractive the prospect, she had dismissed any notion of the fling Anne had advocated, never mind anything with more significance.

So why did she feel like the bad guy here? Like that kiss had liquefied and then formed a glass wall that Mac was determined not to crack. Or look through even. By making it so obvious that he was keeping his distance, he was making things worse.

Instead of being able to forget the kiss and move on, this was making her more and more aware of him. He was probably picking up on that and that was making him feel threatened and retreat further.

A vicious circle.

With an inward sigh, Julia tried to distract herself…yet again.

She opened her cardboard box and sniffed appreciatively. �Mmm. Good choice, going to the noodle house.’ Looking up to see if Mac was enjoying his food, she found he had an eyebrow raised expectantly.

�Oh, for heaven’s sake,’ she muttered under her breath, snapping the disposable chopsticks apart. �Fine.’ She raised her voice and spoke very quickly. �Brain damage occurs because a seizure involves maximal brain metabolism and increased muscle metabolism. This consumes oxygen and glucose, which leads to hypoxia. Or they may induce airway obstruction and possibly temporary respiratory arrest, which will also cause hypoxia. A brain deprived of oxygen for too long becomes irreversibly damaged. Can I eat my lunch now, please, sir?’

Something that could have been disappointment or even hurt showed in Mac’s face but his gaze slid away from hers instantly. The way it always seemed to now.

�Sure,’ he said easily. �Enjoy.’

They ate in silence for a minute or two. Perversely, Julia wanted Mac to ask her something else. She wanted to hear his voice, even if it meant racking her brains to give him the correct answer to a question or an intelligent response to some information.

Or was it because of the feeling she had done something wrong? Upset him in some way? She had a delicious-looking piece of chicken caught between her chopsticks but hesitated with it in mid-air because she couldn’t help glancing across the table at Mac as she hit a mental rewind button to see if she had said or done anything unacceptable so far today.

Mac had just put a generous forkful of noodles into his mouth but one hadn’t quite made its destination, hanging from one corner. Julia’s gaze was captured. And then Mac put out the tip of his tongue to capture the errant noodle and she was aware of a wave of heat that nearly melted her into a puddle on her chair. It felt like a spark had been dropped into a tinder-dry forest somewhere in her abdomen and it caught with a flash like a small explosion. Heat radiated upwards. She could feel it reach her neck and head for her cheeks.

Her hand must have trembled slightly because she lost the grip on that piece of chicken and it fell and bounced down her overalls, leaving a trail of chilli sauce. Julia made a dive for it, snatching it up and putting it in her mouth, hoping she had reacted so quickly her clumsiness might go unnoticed.

She could feel Mac watching her, however. Could feel the tension making the air she was trying to breathe feel like treacle. Oh, God! Had he been watching her watching him lick up that noodle? That vicious circle spun faster. Out of control. This awareness was driving her just as crazy as Mac’s determination to be Super-Mentor.

Why couldn’t it just go away? If Mac trusted her, it would. A flicker of anger at the hidden insult was generated but confrontation was hardly going to help anything, was it?

�Oops, busted!’The old habit of making a joke to defuse emotional overload was too hard to change. She grinned at Mac. �I’m a piglet!’

But Mac’s smile was tight and Julia felt like an idiot.

Repressed anger grew. She was doing her very best to sort this situation out but Mac wasn’t co-operating. At this rate, what had been a perfect partnership would be poisoned. They would end up actually disliking each other. Julia was already feeling the stirring of resentment that could very easily express itself as antagonism. She could feel her own smile freezing and her gaze hardening into a glare.

The sound of their pagers going off should have been a blessing but it only added fuel to the unpleasant emotional mix for Julia. Good grief! The enjoyment of her job was going down the drain and now she couldn’t even enjoy her food. Scowling, she pushed her chair back and went to the office to get the details of the job they were being dispatched to, ignoring Mac who was following close behind.



Joe was already in the office, looking at a wall map. �Police callout,’ he told them. �Incident in a known drug house.’

�Great.’ SERT training involved the kind of specialist work that could come from this kind of police operation. Dealing with gunshot wounds or scenes where tear gas or pepper spray might be used. They usually involved people who had no respect for authority and for whom violence was merely a form of communication. Way down on Mac’s list of preferences any day. Taking Julia into a job like this was even less appealing.

Working with her at all was losing its appeal.

He had been doing so well since that visit to Ken. So confident he could handle this. And then she’d dropped that damned piece of chicken and stained her overalls and that mental key had shot out of its lock. He had lost control big time.

The fabric of those overalls had become invisible and given him such a clear image of what her breast beneath would look like. His body had supplied what it might feel like to touch it. With his fingers…a soft, slow stroke, maybe. Or with his lips…

The effort it had taken to drag his gaze away had been phenomenal and when he had, it had gone in the wrong direction and collided with hers for just long enough to register the way her pupils had dilated. With alarm, no doubt, because his reaction had hardly been subtle. Her skin had been flushed, too, making her look hotter and more enticing that that spicy sauce she had been throwing around.

�I’m a piglet,’ she’d said, with that winning grin, and Mac had tried to smile back but he knew he hadn’t been forgiven. The look on her face when she’d scraped her chair back. The way she’d ignored him as she’d stomped off to the office. OK, so he’d slipped his control for a heartbeat. It wasn’t going to happen again. It was only a matter of weeks until she packed her bags and disappeared from his life. He wasn’t going to risk another slip and give Julia another opportunity to dismiss him like that. She could stop worrying. He was going to. He wasn’t even going to worry about the potential for this job to be no place for a woman.

�Come on, then,’ he growled. �Let’s go and get it over with.’

It was only a short helicopter ride. They landed in an empty car park between railway lines and the back of a rundown housing estate. Moving to a safe point, Mac was all too aware of how deserted it felt. Dark, blank windows towered menacingly overhead. Tattered plastic bags blew around like tumbleweeds and they walked past a burnt-out car chassis and an off-licence with thick iron bars over its door.

Mac did his best to ignore it but every instinct was telling him that Julia shouldn’t be here. This was professional, not personal, he decided. For the first time they were in a situation where her size and gender were a liability. He had every reason to order her to stay with the police at ground level until this incident was done and dusted. It was part of being a mentor. It had nothing to do with any desire to drag her away and simply keep her safe because he cared about her in an inappropriate way.

Not that she’d co-operate, of course. Even him thinking about the possibility had given Julia time to march right up to the police van and wait expectantly for their briefing.

�It was a neighbour who made the call,’ they were informed. �Sounds of a fight going on and shots were fired. Then there was a lot of screaming. Still is. As soon as we can be sure it’s safe to enter and we’ve found who’s doing the screaming, we’ll send you guys in.’

Mac eyed Julia, the words forming that would be an order for her to stay put while he went in alone. Except that he could almost see a balloon over his partner’s head right now. One that enclosed the words �I don’t think so, mate!’ They would end up having an argument in public and that would hardly be professional. Not only that, she might think he was trying to protect her for personal reasons.

The same kind of personal reasons she had just been disgusted with, having caught him staring at the food stain on her chest. Mac stared back at Julia, aware of how frustrating this was. Couldn’t she see that her feistiness only generated problems? If she hadn’t been waiting for him in that car park, that kiss would never have happened and he wouldn’t be struggling to keep the key in that mental box in his head. Or was it his heart? Wherever. It was huge and heavy and dragging him down. And it was more than frustrating. It was infuriating.

Fine, was the silent message he sent back. Do what you like. If you won’t listen to reason, be it on your own head.

It took a good thirty minutes for police to gain control of the scene. The occupants of the dwelling, who hadn’t been at all eager to allow the police inside, were hauled out in handcuffs. They were cursing and spitting as they were dragged past Mac and Julia and into the back of a secure van. A police officer close to Mac was kicked in the shins and shook his head in disgust.

�There’s one more up there,’ he told Mac. �Have fun.’



The man lay on a filthy mattress in the corner of a room strewn with empty bottles, overflowing ashtrays, half-empty cans of food and piles of tattered clothing. His features were sharp, his hair long and scraggly and he clearly hadn’t washed or shaved for a considerable period of time.

�Here he is.’ A police officer wearing a bulletproof vest stared down at the man, who was groaning loudly. He gave him a nudge with the toe of his boot and the man stopped groaning and began shouting obscenities.

�Oi!’ The police officer looked unimpressed. �Mind your manners or I’ll send the medics away and we’ll just take you downtown. Do you want to get looked at or not?’

�Not by him.’ The man spat in Mac’s direction and then bared yellowish teeth. �I’m no poofter. She can look at me.’ He leered in Julia’s direction.

Julia could see the way Mac’s features hardened. He wasn’t about to be given orders by someone like this. He was on the point of stepping forward and making this situation worse than it needed to be. She didn’t need his protection. She didn’t want it.

Those flickers of resentment and anger were easy to tap into. He couldn’t make her the bad guy and then step in and get all protective.

Damn the man. She didn’t need his attitude or his protection. She could look after herself. It was Julia who took the first forward step.

�What’s the story?’ she asked the police officer.

�Says he’s got a pain in his stomach.’

�I have,’ the man sneered. �Don’t make it sound like I’m lying. Arghh!’ He groaned convincingly and clutched his abdomen. �I think I’m dying. Give me something. Hurry up!’

Julia avoided catching Mac’s gaze as she took in their surroundings again. Not that she needed to given the track marks she could see on the man’s arms but…yes, there were used syringes amongst the debris. This man was very likely to be a drug addict and this could be simply drug-seeking behavior. Mac would be thinking the same thing. He might disapprove of any intention on her part to take the performance too seriously.

But there had been a fight. Shots had been fired. An intrinsic part of this career she had chosen meant that judgment had to be put aside. Nobody could be left in pain or in danger of a condition being left untreated that could endanger their lives.

�Says he got kicked in the gut,’ the police officer added. �There was a fight going on when we got here.’

Another two police officers were collecting weapons they’d found in the apartment. A sawn-off shotgun, knives, knuckle-dusters and ammunition were already in a pile near the door.

�Have you been shot?’ Mac’s query was crisp. �Or stabbed?’

�Get lost,’ the man told him. �I’m only gonna talk to her.’

�Come on, Jules.’ Mac’s tone was icy. �If he’s not going to co-operate, we’re out of here. It’s obviously not life-threatening.’

�Ahh!’ the man screamed. �Ahhh! Ahhhh!’

It was certainly a good impression of someone in agony. Julia shot Mac a warning glance. �Won’t hurt to take a look,’ she said.

�I’m dying,’ the man howled. �Give me something…please, lady…’

�Let me see.’ Julia took another step towards the mattress. �Pull up your shirt.’

There were no marks visible on an emaciated-looking midriff but it would require palpation to check whether there was any guarding or swelling which could indicate internal damage that might explain the man’s apparent agony.

Julia crouched. She hadn’t even got down to floor level when a skinny hand shot out and wrapped itself around her wrist, pulling her off balance.

�Stop wasting time.’ the man spat. �Give me something now.’

The training given to deal with situations exactly like this meant that her reaction was instinctive. She wrenched her arm down sharply, towards the man’s thumb, which had to give way. Then she rolled out of reach, coming to her knees and lifting her head just in time to see her assailant’s other hand coming out from beneath a puddle of blanket, a blade glinting in his grasp.

All hell broke loose then. Police officers seemed to come from every corner of the room and within seconds the man was disarmed, on his stomach and hand-cuffed.

One of the police officers smiled somewhat ruefully at Julia. �Sorry to have wasted your time,’ he said. �Looks like we can deal with this ourselves after all.’

Julia nodded. She was on her feet now but the awareness of how close that had been was kicking in. Her stomach was a tight knot and she felt absurdly close to tears. Turning, she made an effort to give Mac a smile that would disguise her reaction. Hopefully one that would tell him this hadn’t been anything she hadn’t been ready to handle. But her smile faded instantly.

Mac looked absolutely furious.



�You just had to do it, didn’t you? Jump in without bothering to consult me. Without even considering the potential danger.’

�I did consider it.’ Julia lifted her chin. She’d had to wait for this but she’d known it was coming.

Mac hadn’t said a word as they’d marched along the concrete balcony of that tenement block or down flight after flight of graffiti-decorated stairwell.




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